1:58

I just hate what time it is.  And that I haven't slept yet.  And that tomorrow will be hard like it always is from lack of sleep.  Luke is crying in his room.  I've tried everything I have ever tried before, read in a book or think I should do.  And he hasn't stayed asleep since 10:30.

It is so miserable.  And so hard.  And I can't seem to be consistent with anything because we have 5 OTHER KIDS FOR HEAVENS SAKE.


At the same time it breaks my heart.  I've rarely let him cry.  It doesn't seem to work either.  But I am so worked up I can't hold him right now.

Ryan gave me a blessing a few weeks ago and said this time is a short time in the scheme of things and I will look back and not really remember it very well.  And I really haven't mostly with each of the kids.  But it is sure not fun moments sometimes when I'm living it.  and feeling like there are so few people that understand what I am feeling or trying to do.  Because unless someone is currently doing the same thing its hard to know why its so hard and why Id feel so conflicted.

Last night he slept all night.  Why can't he tonight.



I am taking all the kids to St. GEorge with Karla nad her kids for 3 days before Ryan joins us and I hope it turns out to be fun.  I feel like fun hasn't happened for a long time for me.  I'm stretched too thin with sleep, constant worry and too much that I feel like I need to do.

I don't have any consistent sleep pattern--AT ALL--and so I have a much harder time falling asleep each time I need to (Which can be 4-5 times a night sometimes).  So I sit there stewing about how quickly I need to get to sleep so I can GET sleep, and then can't fall asleep.

Not all nights.  But too frequently.

Jan-Mar Photos

Cara and Kaden's wedding and a family reunion (our house and 2 families at hotels), mom and dad at Tara's house with Cara and Wesley.  Mom and dad stayed with us for 2 weeks and we did projects galore. 

Trip to St. George--spring break with Pratts (just Karla and I and 11 kids--inlcluding 2 babies) and a baseball tournament (Jordans joined for the last day)

Girls trip to Houston

 Blake helping put up shelves and organizing the downstairs closet

 Blake made these at school over the year.

 Grandpa Haynie's uniform from the war.

 SCience Fair prep for Aubrie

 Robbie's basketball team came over for a game night

 BLue and Gold banquet first time for Blake