Tonight

I just wanted to write down how I am feeling tonight.  It could be from not being able to sleep very well and feeling pretty exhausted but I don't think that is really why I feel like my heart is racing and I just want to cry.  I am so scared to have this baby.  I feel unprepared physically.  I feel unprepared mentally.  I am afraid I will freak myself out as I go into actual active labor and it's so important to have control of your mind so that my body can do what it needs to.  It seems like the more deliveries I'v had I should be less scared because I know how it turns out :) but I also am not near as naive and that is hard.  I am scared of things that could go wrong, I am scared that this is the last time, I am scared of the greater exhaustion that is coming because I feel so old....but I know that there is so much power to our minds and thoughts and our body reacts in sync with our thoughts.  And I just prayed tonight to have better control of my mind.  Our baby is going to be okay.  I am going to be okay.  This is a good and exciting thing that is happening to Ryan and I and to our family.  I need to push worry and fear out of my mind and be excited for a baby to join our family.  Tomorrow I go in to see Dr. Rappleye because he wants to check me one last time to see if I am dilated enough that he can just break my water and have me go into labor that way or if we need to do pitocin on Wednesday.  Hopefully the former.

A growth opportunity.....right!? :)




A sidenote:  Karen organized a get together at Karla's tonight for dinner and to listen to Gayle Hammond (her uncle) who was very close to Grandpa Hammond and they served in WWII together.  He shared a lot of stories and information about his and grandpa's experience with the war and even brought some amazign memorabilia to show us.  He had taken a German infantry's gun from the battlefield (from a dead soldier) and also had found a pistol from a German officer dead on the battlefield, a bayonet and then a Nazi flag from a home where they had kicked out the people living there to sleep in a bed.  It was so crazy to touch and see all those things from so long ago and hear real stories from someone that lived through it and not just read in a history book.  I was glad Robbie and Aubrie were there to listen and ask questions.  The one question Aubrie asked him was whether he had the Melchezidec Priesthood when he went to war, which I thought was so interesting to ask him that.  (He didn't...but turned in his mission papers the day he returned and left 3 months later to serve in the "Western US mission")  Very cool experience!

Some tender mercies of late

We've been at or near 100 degrees for 3 weeks now and it has made me want to stay inside so much more and I've been a little more grouchy than usual (maybe more than a little) combined with my normal struggle to let things/order/cleanliness go a little more than usual in the summer when our house is so full and frantic with activity much more than the school year. I find myself getting a little crazy and I have to remind myself--its summer and we can just do one pickup at night and it's fine.  Relax!

Aaaaanyway.....On Monday night Anna Durphee shows up at like 4:30 and has a bag with a mexican casserole, chips and jello.  This was the second dinner dropoff she's made in the last few months and it is just soooooo kind and thoughtful.  I am bad with making dinner in the summer anyway, but I've been especially not liking it much lately.    Then the last night (Wed) I'm driving Blake and Hallie home from a birthday party and Katie Poulsen called and said--"I stopped by to see how your doing today and I wanted to bring over pizza for you for dinner--are you okay with that?" I was shocked.  In hte end we went over to their house and visited for a few hours and it was so fun to get to know them better and let the kids play and I appreciated it SOOO much.    Dave had called yesterday afternoon and asked if he could take Clara to the pool with Abby and Danny and they did that, went to Arctic circle to play on the playground, went and got pizza and then Woody's IC.  It was a party.  Clara was in heaven!   Today Dave asked to come get ALL 5 kids and take them to go do a hike and then cool off at the rec center afterward.  Who does that? He has so much energy.  And then Karla called and said Karen was making them lasagna for dinner and did we want some for dinner tonight too.  Three nights of not making dinner.....hallelujah.  People are so good to us.  And I feel very grateful. 

We have gotten a boppy to borrow from Melanie Medaris, a pack n play and bouncer from Leasa Carter, a bassinet from Terri Jerez to borrow and so many well wishes from everyone in the ward.  I feel like this baby is already so loved!

Melanie also brought over a "new mother" gift of hand sanitizer, lemon hand soap, bath bombs and scrubs, a kit for the hospital and a new loofah.  I just love that lady!  I can't believe theyre in Utah now and we can see them.

And.....our house is painted, done and put back together...and cleaned.   Which is uber satisfying to me and makes me feel VERY ready to bring this boy home already! :)

A Sunday letter to my family

Well, I know what I'll be thinking about all day today.   I wish I could be there very badly.  Wes--I'm so glad you were here for a few days and that it was just a few people here so I got to really hang out with you.  You are an amazing person and you are and will be such a powerful example/leader because you have so much charisma, and then you add the service that comes through the priesthood and a growing testimony and I just get excited about your potential as a missionary.  

I'd love to have been there singing with you all too.  I miss singing as a family so much!  We haven't seemed to be able to naturally recreate that in our home.  Lots of piano and other instruments but not as much harmonizing/singing together.   I loved Sunday nights at home.  

93% of my thoughts/energy the last weeks (or 3 months) has been focused on upcoming labor and getting our house in order from remodeling in time for that.  And we are almost there (in all aspects) and I am feeling ready.  For some reason I feel nervous that this labor/baby's safety will be a lot different and I feel much more vulnerable--but I keep trying to push those thoughts away because I know it doesn't do any good to worry (although I'm quite adept at it;). WE have been able to borrow most of what we'll need (bassinet, swing, boppy, etc) so that we haven't had to spend a lot of money getting baby gear again.  I did buy a few gowns and some diapers, and I guess we'll buy whatever else we need as we need it. 

Our bishop has been in for 5 years and is planning to be released and I've been half hoping Ryan will be released before the baby comes. :)   Maybe we still need the blessings of his calling/service. 

I really really like this time of year in Utah.  July is such a festive month here with the 4th and Pioneer Day.  Our stake is doing a float in the Days of 47 childrens parade (that has been happening for decades) and I think our kids will join on the float.  Hopefully.  It's next Saturday.  

Well-I sure love you all!!!

Amber

The repercussions of not having a home phone that people actually call and use (we basically use ours for the kids to be able to get a hold of Ryan or I--with a few outlying phone calls to friends every once in awhile).

Someone called for Aubrie to babysit and so I told her about it and she said "can I just text her?" and I told her no to call and practice.  She called Vanessa's cell phone and the phone rang and rang for awhile and then at the last second she picked up and Aubrie says "dang it!" without thinking about it.

I was crying to keep from laughing out loud.  The rest of the conversation was so awkward because all she wanted to do was get off the phone and hide under a rock.

and some random pics....

Aubrie gave her bow and arrow to Blake and he has been shooting that thing (!) everywhere, many times a day.  Here he shot a bottle of water across the lawn and nailed it.  (we've also retrieved arrows a few times from the neighbors roof)

Oh how we love the library.  All of us.  It is a sanctuary.  I love after going how no one will talk or do anything for a few hours because they have all these good reads.  Loading up with good books at the library is so exciting!

The baby things we mostly need (crib, bassinet, swing, bumbo, boppy) we are able to borrow from neighbors/friends, but no one had a crib we could use so I found one I love on KSL.  The kids were helping me put it together here.  I love how simple it is.  We are missing some screws so once its set up I'll post a picture.  I can't wait for this little boy to join us and be able to hold him. 

Kid Related

Making a bunny run together out of all the recycling garbage they could find. 

 The final few weeks of preschool we did a lot of swapping kid watching.  Cherith and Clara joined me for a Costco run!  Love those samples.

 Whitmore Library storytime.  Pratts joined us regularly once they moved here.

 Art hub for kids on Youtube with our Blake and Clara and James, Thomas and Abby.

 Having fun with Clara in her Americana colors and our flying flag.

 The Pratts and Hallie, Blake and Robbie had a lemonade stand/chocolate chip cookie stand and each made about $8.  Not too shabby. This is them out on the lawn afterward, counting out the goods.

 Blake has a font book and he made me a letter.  I think I was so tired (sitting on my regular spot on the recliner in the baby's room) I couldn't open my eyes for the picture.

 Our cowboys headed into the Strawberry days rodeo.

 A woman named Catherine who is the mom of a boy named Austin from the Utah Quake team sent this message to me through GroupMe last week and it completely made my day.  I hear a lot how good RObbie is at baseball, and this was so much sweeter.

 We tried not to overcommit this summer with things, we made a summer bucket list that was reasonable and I told them we werent doing piano lessons this summer, but we are learning 3 fun songs that they'd like to learn.  So...MWF in addition to their daily job they do 30 minutes of Math and 30 minutes of music (piano, drum, violin, ukelele, etc).

 The only picture I got of Hallie and Robbie from the extended Haynie reunion that they got to go to.  They rode up to Driggs with Carl and grandma/grandpa. They got to go to Bowens baptism and hang out for a day and then headed up north of Boise for the reunion.  I was so glad they got to go and they had a blast!

 I love a good breakfast.  Eggs and whole wheat toast and a mango!

It's been a long haul but were done:)

I know I've posted other pics of our house ripped up.  WE are finally done.  Mark White is who helped us the entire time (did most of it) and he did a GREAT job.  We are so pleased with how it turned out.  He was here working at our house for close to 3 months.  It is for the most part put back together and cleaned and we are enjoying it so much.  Just in time for #6 to arrive in 2.5 weeks. 

Blake and I cleaned out the shed really good and put up some hooks, shelving and reorganized all teh yard stuff out there to clean out the garage and leave more space.

 I have been wanting to re-organize our garage and make a mud area for all the kids stuff for so long.  Ryan and I both really wanted an area for all of our tools to be in one place so we knew what we had and it was easier to find everything.  This is SO EXCITING!  WE spent 10-12 hours this past SAturday and got most of the way done.  It was so satisfying and WAY more functional as a garage.

 THe linoleum floor that was under our old carpet.  I kinda liked it.

 Finished Master Bathroom

 New window sills upstairs (no more tile in the windows for kids to crack)

 And the brand new basement!!!   New couches (the shelf built ins should be up this week to the left of the TV)

 The downstairs bathroom is probably the biggest upgrade!!

 A door going from the bathroom into the boys room